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The following is a historical account of the near-war between the Steadfastlies and the Funimizers of the Kingdom of Uwyn, a land once ruled by wizards, located in modern-day Anatea.
In the winter at the tail-end of the year 1247, King Akron the Accountable became suddenly and deathly ill. Rumors flew that one of his two twin sons had poisoned him in hopes of claiming the throne, but there was little evidence at the time to substantiate any claim.
The king decreed that should he succumb to his illness, his sons were to rule in unison. It seems it never occurred to him that splitting an entire kingdom between two men who had never been able to share so much as a stuffed toy since childhood might be a bad idea, but he may simply have been delirious with fever. The two princes quickly proved their inability to do even a single thing requested of them by their dying father, as both instantly began propaganda campaigns to convince the people of who should be king.
Prince Wandius the Unwavering was of the belief that magic should be structured and professional. He had little tolerance for dalliances or anything he personally considered "silly". His largest goal was to fundamentally alter magical education to place heavy emphasis on practical spellmaking, but he also made clear his plans to outlaw any spell containing words like "paint explosion".
Prince Spellsior the Spectacular was Wandius' polar opposite. An artist from birth, he saw the entire world as his canvas. As he grew, he began to feel that the Kingdom of Uwyn's attitude towards self-expression was far too stifling, and that magic should be less about practical uses, and more about having fun. He planned to alter common ideals about spellmaking to focus more on "artistic expression", but seemed to have little in the way of actual legislation in mind.
Through rigorous propaganda campaigns, both princes quickly built up a sizable following. Wandius' followers, who called themselves the "Steadfastlies", spent most of their time indoors reading very thick books full of words like "discombobulate" and "orthogonal". Spellsior's followers, the "Funimizers", preferred to spend their time enchanting things to be permanently glittery and summoning newly invented animals such as the "wicked antelopeater".
Each group quickly grew resentful of the other. The Steadfastlies felt that the Funimizers were too focused on entertainment when they should be helping push forward the magical sciences, and began to push for the banning of "scoundrelous magicks". They weren't fond of the wicked antelopeater, either, as it had a tendency to wander into the streets, blocking carts and foot traffic. The Funimizers, on the other hand, thought that the Steadfastlies were too uptight and stuffy, and far too eager to control what magic should and shouldn't be allowed. They also felt that discontentment around the wicked antelopeater was completely overblown, as the creature had thus far shown no evidence of a desire to consume human flesh.
Early in the spring of 1248, King Akron the Accountable passed from his illness. That same day, Wandius and Spellsior's spy networks both discovered and published intelligence proving that both princes had in fact poisoned their father at the same time. Each prince accused the other of falsifying evidence, but neither was able to prove it.
The hatred between the two groups was coming to a head. The Steadfastlies felt that if Spellsior were to come into power, the kingdom would be under the leadership of a misbehaving rapscallion with no respect for the ancient ways. The Funimizers, on the other hand, were no more fond of Wandius, whom they were sure would rule the kingdom with an iron fist and outlaw fun.
As tensions escalated, some took things into their own hands. Ketrix the Cunning of the Steadfastlies created an "anti-glitter" spell to desparklify the belongings of Funimizers. Shinora the Shiny of the Funimizers retaliated by turning the Library of Isubelle bright pink and green. In return, Steadfastly Drestrum the Dark encased the wicked antelopeater in a floating obsidian cube, which angered Funimizer Thudarin the Thunderous so much he teleported the wicked antelopeater into the middle of a banquet attended by Steadfastlies.
Each day, another attack, and it seemed more and more likely that a full-on civil war would break out at any moment.
In the summer of 1248, the weather was very bad and all the crops failed, leading to the entire kingdom starving to death.
This piece was written for a class. The prompt was to "write something funny", and this is what I came up with. Being funny on purpose is hard but I enjoyed writing this, so I think I did well enough.